Wrestling with the Flesh

In 1998 I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma. If you are not familiar with melanoma, it is a very aggressive and a potentially deadly form of skin cancer. If detected early it is highly treatable, but after it has metastasized, there is often little that can be done if the tumor(s) can not be surgically removed. Fortunately in my case it was caught very early and, other than acquiring a new scar on my back, I suffered no further ill effects. Since then, any suspicious moles are removed immediately by my dermatologist. Frankly, I can not remember all of the biopsies I have had over the past eight (8) years, but they have been numerous. Last week another suspicious mole was removed from my back, and by God's grace it came back benign.

A few years ago, I saw an interview with a seasoned fighter pilot from the Vietnam War on television. During the interview, the pilot described the intensity of a dog fight and how after each time he won, he felt as if he had been born again. I can relate to that feeling. It usually takes a few days for the pathology to come back on any new biopsy. During that time of uncertainty, I find myself wrestling with the providence of God, my own sinfulness, and believing the Gospel. However, after a biopsy comes back negative, like the fighter pilot, I feel as if I have been given a new lease on life.

The Confederate general, and Presbyterian, Thomas J. "Stonewall" Jackson once wrote, "My religious beliefs teach me to feel as safe in battle as in bed. God has fixed the time of my death. I do not concern myself with that, but to be always ready whenever it may overtake me. That is the way all men should live, and all men will be equally brave."

I wish that I could muster such courage and faith as General Jackson. I look forward to that day when I will have a new body that does not produce these little cancers and a spirit that no longer desires to sin against my God. Until then. . .I believe, help my unbelief.